Beyond the Tears Receives 5 Star Review

Positive Outcome!


This is a definite must read book, [Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story] the author keeps your attention throughout and you don't want to put it down. She opens up her heart and soul as she writes, her courage and strength to change her life around and become positive in a very negative environment growing up is admirable to say the least. She shares things about her life and the people in it that lets you experience the tragedy of a dysfunctional family environment, the abuse of drugs, horrors of being molested and being raped. When most people would never be able to turn their life around she has, it's a big difference in finding the right therapist and creating a more positive environment around you.

I can't say enough about this book or the author, you have to read it and I know you'll come away a better person for it. I know it would be very beneficial for psychology majors and counselors to read and learn about a persons life that would benefit them in their profession.

To give this five stars is my only regret wish I could give it a lot more and then some. I not only purchased the e-book version but also the printed version and have already recommended it to several friends across the country. I probably will be purchasing at least four more copies to give as gifts to friends I know that would enjoy the positive outcome and help them in their own lives as well. 

Tolson 4 TEARS Reviews "Beyond Survivor"

Review of Beyond Survivor: Rising from the Ashes of Childhood Sexual Abuse: A Collection of Writings by Jan L. Frayne

The victims of child abuse often hold their secrets because the truth of their experiences is too much to bear. Often it takes a lifetime to process the agonizing reality of child abuse and its long-term effects on the victim. Jan L. Frayne, a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse, has revealed his secrets in a generous effort to raise awareness of child abuse, to reduce the stigma associated with sexual abuse, and to increase hope for survivors.

Mr. Frayne has taken on this monumental task though his writing, which tell the story in prose and poetry. A reader will hear the angst of a victim as he processes the torment of abuse and the suffering of survivors. His voice speaks for the millions of other boys who cannot find the words to tell of their secret pain.

The poetry is gifted yet not esoteric; it is expressive but not graphic. The raw honesty and emotional content of Frayne’s writing makes it relatable to survivors and readable to anyone interested in the plague upon our planet, which is the prevalence of pedophiles and perpetrators who prey upon children. We should all be interested in protecting our children!

Mr. Frayne (@Beyond_Survivor) offers us a perspective on the plight of male victims/survivors of child abuse. This is a necessary element in eradicating the plague so that our children can grow up with a sense of safety, and can mature to reach their full potential. Thank you Jan for having the courage to use your talent for writing in a way that is meaningful to society.


To read one of the poems, click here To find Jan Frayne's blog, click here.

Review completed by Lynn C. Tolson

Tolson 4 TEARS Cheers Poem on "Tears"

I titled my book "Beyond the Tears" based on a phrase I wrote: "It saddens me beyond my tears that love is lost within the fears." But a phrase is not enough to express what tears mean. I am glad the following poem crossed my path because it also uses the word "fear" in connection with "tear", and the discomfort often associated with crying.

The dictionary defines the word "tear" as "a drop of the saline, watery fluid continually secreted by the lacrimal glands between the surface of the eye and the eyelid, serving to moisten and lubricate these parts and keep them clear of foreign particles. 

This fluid appearing in or flowing from the eye as the result of emotion, especially grief.

But the human condition is not easily defined by the dictionary. Often it takes the poet to describe what we experience in life. This poem interprets "tears" as a full expression of an emotional experience.

When Tears Fall

by CM Cox

When tears fall in empathy,

one wonders what is wrong with that person.

When tears fall in sheer enjoyment,
one wonders why anyone would cry over happiness.

When tears fall in anger,
one wonders why anyone would do this.

When tears fail to fall,
fear wins,
pain wins,
our emotions lose,
our emotions lost.

When the tears of a child fall,
we leap to hold,
we leap to wipe,
we leap to mend,
we leap to dry the reasons that make them cry.

When the tears of an adult fall,
we fail to hold,
we fail to wipe,
we fail to mend,
we fail to dry the reasons that makes another cry.

When the tears of an adult fall,
in happiness,
in sadness,
in anger,
in pain,
in sympathy,
or in raw emotion---
we do not share this respected gift to one another,
because we fail to feel.

Doctors diagnose tears as psychological conditions.
Strangers view tears as emotion not needed.
Friends fear tears they can not mend nor celebrations they can not feel.
Family fear tears because they assume friends will mend them so they won't have too.

One that possesses life without tears is a life failing to live.

Tears fall because we feel, not because we don't.

Tolson 4 TEARS on DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a psychiatric diagnosis in which a person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos, parts, or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment.


According to WebMD, "Dissociative identity disorder (previously known as multiple personality disorder) is a fairly common effect of severe trauma during early childhood, usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse."


Also visit the article about a survivor with DID who uses creativity to cope, and a poem by a survivor with DID.

Tolson 4 TEARS Cheers Survivor's Courage

The following story about Cindilin Pettibone was written by Karen Sucharski. 

“Your hair looks so cute,” I said to my friend Cindilin Pettibone as we met to go to a meeting.

“I know,” she said, then she leaned conspiratorially toward me, “I have no idea who got it cut,” she whispered.

This may seem a strange exchange to anyone eavesdropping. But Cindilin is a rare and strong woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.

Cindilin was sexually abused by her grandfather from the age of four to age 16. She was also repeatedly sexually, emotionally and physically abused by other members of her family. When she sought help from a trusted priest, he too abused her. 

When we attend group therapy she reads her various diagnoses off her Blackberry. They include PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder; anxiety; and depression. And, with all of this, she smiles. She has an infectious sense of humor and a strong work ethic...

Cindilin will be ... exhibiting her artwork, selling jewelry with inspirational messages including “Believe the Child” and one word affirmations. She has found a great deal of solace in her artwork trying and succeeding at quilting, photography, cross-stitch, stained glass, painting, poetry, cake-decorating and scrap-booking to name a few. Her favorite is the jewelry making and drawing she said. Her therapist said she has seen growth in Cindilin through her drawing. She used to only draw in black and white. But lately she has added some color. “I love color,” Cindilin said. But she was afraid of it. Her drawing was also one of the clues that helped diagnose her DID. She said when she wrote, her handwriting changed. “The artwork was not all done by the same person and it’s signed differently,” she said.

She doesn’t experience as much missing time as some DID individuals. She has what is called “co-conciousness” with many of her personalities. But not with all. She said, to date, she has more than 50 personalities that range from an infant to personalities in her 20’s and she believes she has more yet to come out. “It takes me an hour to get to sleep because I have to put 50 people to bed. Then I wake up in the night because someone wakes up.”

When asked if integration is her goal in therapy she responded, “I’m not there yet.” Integration of the personalities into the dominant personality is a scary proposition to many people with DID. “DID’s just really tricky,” Cindilin said.  She said some people say, “’Let your little people come out and play with me’ That’s not okay with me because I try to keep myself under control in a world that demands it.” She was quick to add, “That’s just my opinion.”

In the meantime she has her arts and crafts activities. “I have to wonder if, out of the depths of all my desperation, my creativity kicked in. There isn’t a craft I can’t do if I put my mind to it. Exploring my multitude of hobbies will always fill a space in my life as both a means of recovery and as pleasurable pastimes.” (to see a video about DID click here.)

Art by Cindilin Pettibone

Published with permission from CP

Tolson 4 TEARS Cheers Survivor Poem

LIES

by Cindilin Pettibone

I hear what you are saying

But are you saying what you mean

 I don’t understand.

You twist your words and misuse them

They were not meant to be used that way

Nor was I; dear ones I loved

 I don’t understand.

Your holding of me that I loved, craved and needed so

Soon became uncomfortable feelings of touch

Isn’t that how it is for all? I believed

 I don’t understand.

You bought me such nice, beautiful things any girl would adore

Clothes, PJ’s, Robe, Purses, Overnight Bag

I had no idea then exactly how I would have to pay for it

But pay I did…dearly

 I don’t understand.

The façade of going to the care races

Only to go to a seedy motel

Duck down he would say,

It’s our little secret

 I don’t understand.

To be told you have to earn that hamburger

If you want to eat

My tummy was so very hungry

 I don’t understand.

You will pick you fun from this card next to it a price

But you must pick from the back—the worst of the worst 

There was nothing I wanted to choose

I was his unwilling little whore

 I don’t understand.

I was supposed to be light, happy, fun and free

Instead I was dark, ugly, fat and scared of life

I will never experience childhood

 I don’t understand.

Art by Cindilin Pettibone